being grateful in the hardships

   i had a rough go of it this weekend, everything just seemed to be building up in me. i was thinking too much and working myself up in my mind. i was getting irritated, and angry. underneath all that anger and irritation was just complete sadness. i didn't want to feel that, for a moment i wanted to be angry but then i realized my anger isn't going to fix anything for me today. going to work angry will only make the night longer and drag everyone else down as well. so instead i allowed myself to feel the sadness and to cry. i gave myself time as i was wanting for the light in the canyon. when the light turned green i started listing everything that i was grateful for. after listing all the easy stuff to be grateful for i listed the hard stuff too. its not easy to be grateful for the hardships that come to us, but when we do and realize the lessons in there while its happening, i believe the hardships whatever we are in can become lighter and we can find joy and happiness rather than letting it drag us down.
 so even though there is sadness in me and i might work myself up to be angry or irritated i can still look at my day as a good day. i can still find happiness within my day and rather than focusing in on the negative i focus on the positive of today.  and that fills and lifts me up. i smile more and laugh, i feel good about myself and those around me. life is just a bit brighter even when its cloudy outside.

so here is what i am grateful for today and everyday.
my health
my body
work
my coworkers
my ward (church congregation)
transportation to and from work
my home
friends
my mom
my brothers
charlie and chanchita
the rain we have been getting here
the mountains
the greenness everywhere
family
friends
a hot shower at the end of the day
my bed
being able to brush my teeth
books
music
this blog
chad

these are just a few of the things i am grateful for. sometimes i just list them off and sometimes i go into length about why i am grateful and specific people. i have a lot in my life to be grateful for and it makes my load a lot lighter when i think of all the good in life and in my own.

what do you do when you are feeling down to lighten your load?

with love,
 jess

around the neighborhood

sometimes we what we need is to just take a walk around our neighborhoods and see all the beauty there is. at least that is what my body was telling me. 

i needed to walk and find some beauty and inspiration right here at home. 

i feel much better, although next time i won't do it right in the middle of the afternoon.

hope you enjoy your middle of the week day. 

with love, 

jess 

Basement drama.....

  or it could have been if i aloud it to be. instead i didn't allow myself to use up my energy and complain about it. i certainly didn't want this to happen today, i had plans of doing laundry and getting all my clothes washed and put away for the week. but thats okay, i know in the morning as long as the drains get fixed i will be able to do the load that i was really needing done. a couple months ago i would have gotten overwhelmed with it all and wouldn't have known what to do, i still felt that way but i knew that it would all get taken care of some how, i didn't know how, but i knew that it would. the first step is in asking for help and sometimes you don't even need to ask, sometimes people just come in and know what to do.
  a couple of months ago if this would have happened i would have moaned and it would have ruined my whole day. my attitude would have derailed the progress of it getting fixed right away. i would have gone shopping and not have asked anyone for help. don't get me wrong i wanted to go shopping, but shopping sure isn't going to fix the damage in my basement.
  i have to say that if feels good not wasting my energy over getting overly upset about what happened. it happened and now it is getting fixed and that is all that matters really. theres never any need to bring in extra bad vibes because of it.  it feels good to be calm and just know that the problem will be fixed.
well thats my little tid bit.
   what about you? are you doing anything to change your attitude about those mishaps that just happen? it certainly feels good thats for sure and i am oh so thankful that it is getting fixed.
                                                   with love,
                                                        jess
         

love letter to my mother

       happy mothers day to my wonderful mother. who has birthed and raised three children, and whose three children are oh so very different.
 to a mother who has sacrificed her own needs, wants and endeavors to make sure that her children where provided for and taken care of.  to a mother who has always told us that she loved us, and even when it was difficult to listen to us as well.
to a mother who has always let us shine and to be ourselves, who has always and only wants the best for her children.
                                                 Happy Mothers Day to You!

  thank you mom for everything that you have done for me, thank you especially for these last few months for the support and love that you have been giving me.
thank you for the last year of putting up with me and waiting for me to come back.
thank you for always telling me that i am important and that you always thought i would be doing something grand and great one day.
thank you for your love and guidance.
i hope that you have a wonderful mothers day and know that you are loved very much.
                        with love,
                          your favorite daughter,
                                your baby girl &
                                         your little jessie.

Books, Books & More Books....

 
for the last couple of months i have been going through a difficult time, it was really hard at first and i couldn't see straight, think, or even eat. i didn't know what i was going to do or even see a way out of it. i did know that i had to make a choice, that i could continue and be miserable or i could find a way to have some sense of peace with in myself.  so i turned to books. first off they helped me to not constantly be thinking about what was going on around me. i could for a few chapters here and there not have to focus on myself and what was happening.  with each sentence, paragraph, and page i read i started learning how to ease myself, how to stop all the commotion inside of me to settle, i learned how to accept what was happening around me and in doing so i have gained peace and calmness i have never felt before. i have learned that not everything is in my control and to be okay with it and what is in my control i can either allow it to over throw me or i can change what needs to change or learn to accept it and be okay and happy with whatever situation i am in.  and i feel so much better than what i did 2 months ago, 6 months ago, a year, and 3 years ago.

Gethsemane- this is a special book to me, i got this book about 7 years ago and have loved it ever since.  its all about what Jesus the Christ when through on the night before the cross and to me 

i have always felt Gethsemane has been the most important part of it all. there he took on our sins, our hurt, our pain, our sadness, even our times of happiness, and our joys.  

For Times of Trouble- this was written by an lds apostle Holland. these are is own private scripture studies over the years and its all with the book of Psalms.  i have greatly appreciated this book. 

The Power of Now- i have taken this book with me every where. for a week in a half i read this whenever i got the chance at work, at home, waiting in line some where. its all about learning to be a more conscious person and not letting our minds over run us. i really had to learn this. i still have a lot of practicing to go but it has been a great tool to use. 

A New Earth- is a lot of the same with The Power of Now but goes a little deeper at points about how we all as a human race could change our planet just by being more conscious as a whole. 

The secret- i am still reading this one, but it talks about not dwelling on the negative, when we do we only receive back negative but when we start focusing on the positive and what we do have and then we are better able to receive the goodness in life. it makes sense to me. 

do you have any recommendations for me? Have any of you read any of these? If so what did you think?

with love, 

jess

   

Yesterday and Today

(april 2012 tulip festival) 

i can't believe how much has changed in a year.

mostly with myself how much has changed.  

i wasn't very happy with myself last year, i didn't like the way i looked, 

i was uncomfortable in my own skin, 

and mostly i was just mad. 

i was so angry i couldn't even see it. 

i thought i was happy, i wanted to be happy i just didn't know how too. 

I was disillusioned with my self and everything around me.

so i started small, at some point last year 

i told myself that i loved my body, i loved this body. 

I started telling my self that I was beautiful inside and out. 

at some point i started believing that i wasn't just a girl, 

but more importantly a women. 

at some point slowly i started believing in all of this. 

at some point i became comfortable in my skin and body even before the weight 

started coming off. 

at some point i started believing that i was beautiful 

that i am a women,

and that i have much potential and much to give and gain in this world. 

at some point with in this year i have learned to have peace 

and calmness in my life even when nothing is going my way. 

even when my world is crashing around me. 

i have the strength to pick up those pieces and to make myself whole. 

and to really know what truly matters to me 

and how i belong.  

at some point i have become this brand new me. 

not that i am new, but that i have come back to life. 

but i also know that there is still growth and learning to do 

and i am okay with all of it. 

i accept it. 

i am not done but just getting started. 

and that makes me smile, 

that brings me joy. 

that brings me peace and fills my heart with hope. 

(april 2013 tulip festival)

                                                       with love,
                                                            jess

health, fitness, weight-loss

  back in january i told you that i would let you know about what i was doing to loss weight and getting fit. well i didn't do a very good job at keeping you all informed on that like i had planned.
a lot of things seemed to pop up and keep me busier than what i was wanting or planned to do.
  so here is my BIG secret that i have kept hidden from you all HCG. if any of you have heard about it or done it let me know. for those of you who don't know i will try and explain it.  you take the HCG drops three times a day while only eating 500 calories a day. I know some of you are trying to figure out why on earth you would starve yourself like that, but you don't feel hungry. the hcg is burning the excess fat from your body and turning it into something that you can actually use. the 500 calories are whats maintaing everything.  I did it for 3 weeks and then maintained for two. so for that three weeks i took the drops every day for three times a day, ate my two meals a day and drank lots of water, LOTS! of water. I also had some green tea in there as well to help on those days that i didn't do so well or for the days after.  I stuck with the diet plan and didn't waiver from it. And it ended up not being as hard as i thought it would be. I looked forward my meals and I was able to enjoy my food, rather than eating to just eat. I wasn't very creative with my meals, i stuck to the same couple of meals over and over but it made it easy for me to shop and then take my lunch with me to work.
  so you might want to see how i fared with it all. every morning i weighed myself, your also supposed to be taking your inches as well, i did once. oops.

Load Days
Tues, Jan. 8, 2013
165
Wed. Jan 9, 2013
 162
Thurs. Jan 10
163

500 cal Days
Fri Jan 11
162
Sat. Jan 12


162
Mon. Jan 14
159
Tues Jan 15
158
Wed. Jan 16
157
Thurs Jan17
159
Fri Jan 18
158
Sat Jan 19
159
Sun Jan 20
159
Monday Jan 21
159 -Apple Day
Tues Jan 22
158
Wed Jan 23
157
Thurs Jan 24
156
Fri Jan 25
155
Sat Jan 26
154
Sun Jan 27
154
Monday Jan 28
154
Tues Jan 29
154

Maintenance
Wed. Jan 30
153
Thurs. Jan 31
149
Fri Feb 1
155
Sat Feb 2
154
Mon Feb 4
153
Tues Feb 5
153
Wed Feb 6
154
Thurs Feb 7
153

This was just my first go around with it, as you can see there were days that nothing was happening, so after watching for a few days i would do a full on apple day. I wouldn't eat anything but apples for that day. I could have been a bit better, working up in the mountains, it could get a bit chilly so i would have a cup of hot cocoa, i was doing everything else right but the suger intake with the hot cocoa and the carbs in it certainly didn't help me any.  For me it was good, it jumped started my metabolism for me and now eating a Huge salad is nothing, because that is what we should be eating. I check my labels and try to only buy from the produce sections.
Since Feb i have lost more weight and inches. I did go back for another round of the drops, but only did it for a week in a half and mostly i got burnt out from it, and other things have come up that has taken me away from focusing on my end goal weight. But that is okay, i am still focused on my healthy, more than ever and I am able to exercise and mostly my body feels good. which is and should be the goal all together. 

                            with love,
                               jess